


Scars

by KaylaAnne2



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Best Friends in Love, Castiel (Supernatural) Has Mental Health Issues, Cuddling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, M/M, Scars, Support
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 13:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19230037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaylaAnne2/pseuds/KaylaAnne2
Summary: Castiel is riddled in scars and is afraid to show his boyfriend Dean, thinking that Dean will leave him. What he doesn't expect is for Dean's constant support and love to remain and to mend some of the hurt he felt all those years.





	Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: mentions of self-harm, self-harm scars, implied non-consensual (not from dean or from cas, but someone hurt cas before their relationship), reference to homelessness, implied homophobia

Dean’s tongue slipped into Cas’s and tasted his best friend’s offering of love. Cas groaned into Dean’s mouth and Dean felt a rush of adrenaline as he moved to hover better over Cas with his thighs on either side of Cas’s legs. Dean moved his hand to Cas’s hair and gripped him tight, tilting Cas’s head to deepen the kiss. Dean leaned them back so that Cas’s back was against the bed and Dean could move up Cas’s body easily.

Cas was panting against Dean’s lips when Dean pulled away to kiss Cas’s cheek, his jawline, his neck, and up to his ear, licking his way to nip Cas’s ear and tug, earning another beautiful sound from Cas’s lips, so alluring that Dean just had to eat it from Cas’s lips by licking and sucking and pressing. Dean moved his body against Cas’s and felt Cas’s hard interest, smiling as Cas groaned and arched his body up to Dean’s, trying to lessen the space between their overheating bodies.

Dean felt Cas’s stubble and opened his eyes to look into Cas’s dark eyes, only a sliver of blue showing anymore, making Dean feel oddly accomplished that  _ he _ put that look there. His love writhed underneath him at the attention, responding so beautifully. Dean smiled and snaked his hand down to the hem of Cas’s shirt, looking right into Cas’s eyes as he tweaked Cas’s nipples and gained a gasp at the action and another back arch, Cas’s eyes looked about to roll back into his head.

Dean noted every sensitive space to explore later on Cas’s naked skin. Getting the shirt off would be step one. Dean played with the hem before slipping his hand a bit underneath and freezing as Cas flinched.

“Cas, baby, what’s wrong? Did I do something?” Dean prompted, pulling his hand out of Cas’s shirt. When Cas didn’t respond, didn’t even look Dean in the eye, Dean jumped to the end of the bed as he feared that he did something wrong. “Angel, talk to me.”

“I can’t, Dean. You...you won’t understand,” Cas said, sitting up against the headboard and curling his knees up to his chest, crawling completely into himself.

“Cas, what won’t I understand? I can try. For you I can try to accept if not understand whatever is going on,” Dean encouraged, feeling the spike of worry and noticing neither of them had any sign of the arousal they had two moments ago left. It was perfect two minutes ago. What happened?

“No, Dean. Maybe...maybe this was a mistake. I knew I shouldn’t have…” Cas sighed.

“Don’t say that, Cas. I love you, you know that. Do you not feel the same way? I thought you did,” Dean mumbled, trying not to feel hurt and instead focusing on Cas who was obviously trying to push him away. Cas shot his eyes up to Dean’s and shook his head.

“No, I do love you. You are the one mistaken. You do not love me.”

“Cas-”

“No, you don’t, not really. You think you do, but you haven’t seen…”

“Seen what, angel. What could be so horrible that would make me question how I feel about you?”

“Dean, no. I can’t-”

“Can’t what? Take the risk? Because I’ve already risked everything. You know that I told my dad for you and you’re all I have left with Sammy at college. You know that I care enough to give up everything for you. Everything. So don’t you dare question my love for you, dammit. Why can’t you tell me, Cas? You know, dammit, you  _ know  _ that nothing will change this.”

“Not even these, huh Dean? Not even everything I did to my own body. How can you not be disgusted at that,” Cas broke, yanking off his shirt and revealing layers on layers of scars. They didn’t look new, but they did look painful. It took precision and some were obviously deeper than others based on how raised they were. Dean’s heart stopped and he looked over Cas, realizing exactly what that meant.

“Cas-” Dean tried to say, throat closing up and lip trembling.

“I know, it’s okay,” Cas whispered, covering his body again with trembling fingers. “You don’t need to say it, I know.”

“Who hurt you so much to make you think this would help you feel better?” Dean asked.

“It did.”

“What?”

“I didn't  _ think _ . It  _ did  _ make me feel better at the time.”

“Cas,” Dean moved forward, but Cas curled up again.

“I’ll just leave,” Cas said, trying to move, but Dean reached forward and gently grabbed his wrist.

“Please don’t. Cas, don’t leave.”

“I am not going to kill myself, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m fine now. I guess I just have off-days, but you are usually there to help. But it is okay. You are not obligated to-”

“To what, love you? Help you?” Dean shook his head, pulling Cas into his arms and moving Cas to sit in his lap. “What if I want to? Huh, Cas?”

“You should not, Dean,” Cas whispered, still refusing to lean into Dean.

“Why not? Cas, angel, talk to me,” Dean whispered right back, tugging Cas closer. Cas relaxed a bit and Dean laid a kiss on Cas’s forehead.

“It was only really bad after I came out and was homeless for those years before you found me. I didn’t really see a point. But sometimes I felt happy and I cut anyways because it made me feel good. I’m so messed up that it felt good. But it distracted me enough to forget about my parents and the kids at school and the...Dean,” Cas whined and Dean understood.

“That asshole that took away what you weren’t ready to give,” Dean finished for him. “I would never-”

“I know, I know, Dean,” Cas whispered. Cas trembled in his arms, leaning into Dean and soaking Dean’s shirt without making a sound.

“Baby, you know I just want you to feel like you can talk to me. I may never understand this, I know I won’t be able to, but I can accept you just as you are. These are testament that you almost gave up and that I could have lost you which hurts like a bitch, but it also shows that you’re here because you were strong to keep fighting even through the pain,” Dean said.

“I stopped a few months before meeting you,” Cas whispered.

“Good. That’s really good, Cas.”

“I didn’t slip up. Wanted to, but I knew that you would be disappointed.”

Dean let them rest in silence with Cas’s tiny, shaky breaths and Dean’s hand rubbing over Cas’s back gently, trying to calm his love. He didn’t know how to approach this. Nobody ever told him what to say when your best friend, the love of your life, showed how much they hurt on the outside of their body. Dean had never felt the level of pain to lead him to cut, and he couldn’t imagine the hell that Cas went through to feel the need to cut to feel better. Dean held Cas closer at the thought. He figured he could only try his best with this.

“Cas?” Dean finally asked.

“Yeah?”

“Tell me. Next time you feel like that. Even if it’s not me, tell someone else. Tell Sammy if that is what you need. I won’t mind. Sammy won’t mind if you just explain the basics to him. He’s better with this than I am, but I’ll try to the best of my ability, Cas. Just tell me what you need and I’ll do it, I promise,” Dean vowed.

“I promise.”

Cas sniffed and finally moved to wrap his arms around Dean, snuggling close.

“Can I see?” Dean finally asked.

“You...you aren’t repulsed?”

“No, Cas. I mean, it sucks that it happened and I want to help you to never do that again, but I don’t want you to be ashamed of your body. I love you just the way you are and I want you to love yourself and to not think about the pain when you see them. Can I try?”

Cas stayed silent for five, ten minutes. Dean resigned himself by that time to just holding Cas, content to do anything Cas will let him at this point, glad Cas didn’t leave.

“Okay,” Cas said, breaking the silence with his raspy voice.

“Okay?”

“Yes.”

Cas leaned back and pulled his shirt off again. Cas moved to take his socks and then his jeans off, revealing too many scars. Cas went through this alone and Dean couldn’t fix that part of his life. Dean couldn’t change any of it. He couldn’t take away that pain nor the evidence and Dean wanted to just hold him close and shelter him from the entire world. He wanted to-

“Dean?” Cas asked, moving his arms to cover his body and shifting from foot to foot. Dean didn’t realize he was crying until Cas moved to wipe the wetness off his cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” Dean croaked and he didn’t know what for. The tears, the pain that Cas had to endure, all of it, none of it. He didn’t know anymore. “C’mere”

Cas collapsed in Dean’s arms and Dean held him close, holding the ragged pieces together and gluing them together with his love. He kissed every inch of Cas that night, worshiping his body and showing him that he wasn’t alone, that he would never be alone again. There would be bad days, but they would work through them together, never finding themselves alone again. Dean knew that he was crap at this, but he tried. And if he fucked up, as he knew he eventually would, he knew that he would do anything to fix it, to help Cas know that he is loved. That his scars can’t define him any longer.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked this little hurt/comfort, but I feel the need to say that if you are hurting, there are hotlines out there to help support you and love you. You are not alone. Get help in some form because sometimes it's too much to do alone. I struggle with mental health myself and will support you in any way I can. Love you and know that you are not alone, were never alone, and never will be alone. Anyways, leave a kudos and a comment to show your love of the fic because they're what keep us authors going! :)


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